I Didn't Forget!!
It has been a LONG time since I’ve updated the blog. Well, not really so long as it feels… Life continues to be crazy. We’ve still not finished moving unpacking. There is so much to do and I have thought more than once how I do not have any time to get the things done I would like to, like updating the family and friends on the blog…
The beginning of the month was exhausting. The recovery from birthing was difficult, but more difficult was not having a baby to bring home with me when I finally left the hospital. Coming home was a bittersweet experience because of that. I missed Brian and Elise so much, and really felt horrible that I could not bring Jimmy home with me. The next month or so was spent by pumping as much milk as I could for him, and going to feed him at 4 a.m. every day, and having Brian go at 8 p.m., that way, Elise wouldn’t feel so estranged to either of us. The days were long and difficult. I cried a lot and needed a lot of hugs. Thank you to everyone who was there to help me through it!
It took apx. 4 weeks to get him out of the NICU and home to us. In a few days we will have had him here for apx. 3 weeks. I took him to the pediatrician, and he is putting on weight well, and growing like a weed. One pound and one inch since we’ve had him so far! He is a sweet and sleepy baby. We are so blessed to have him home with us. Jimmy is a tiny little thing; skinny like me, and SO different from Elise.
Elise is adjusting. It was hard for her to have me gone for so long. She has become much more disagreeable since I went into the hospital. She goes around practically singing ‘no mama, no! no mama, no!’ She has started pushing boundaries as much as she is able, throwing fits that never seem to end. She is so adorable most of the time. Her vocabulary is expansive now, asking questions like where’d daddy go, or what’s that? If you answer her, and tell her the right answer, she’ll say ‘yeah’. If you ask her back, she’ll either tell you the right answer or she’ll say ‘I don’t know’. When she makes mistakes or something doesn’t go her way, she will say ‘oh my goodness’, or ‘oh my’. She’s so much fun to talk to.
One of the biggest questions I get is how is she taking to Jimmy. Elise, well she loves him to pieces. She loves all babies really, but is so quick to run in to his room when he cries and shove, and I really mean shove a pacifier into his face, or pat him…and when I say pat, it’s really more like hit…but in such an innocent way. If he still is crying she’ll come tell me ‘mama, baby sad’. She always wants to hug him and kiss him. She is such a nurturing little girl. You just can’t leave her alone with him, for fear she’ll pick him up and drag him on the floor like a doll. She tries so hard to help with him…she even tries to pick up the car seat to help bring him to the car. She’s great at finding pacifiers, or diapers and wipes for him if I ask her. She’s a great big sister, and will be a great momma someday. She turns 2 this week. Lots of big changes are coming her way. She’s ready to be potty trained, to transition her crib to a bed (she can climb out of her crib now), have a haircut for the first time and also get her ears pierced.
Where on earth does the time go???
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
May 14, 2009
Jimmy's Story
Thank you to everyone who has called or emailed or posted on facebook etc. your comments of love and support though the past three weeks. It is so heartening feel your compassion for me and for Jimmy. Love you guys!
I'm sorry it's been so long since a post. I know those of you who actually read this thing have been waiting for me to write something. The truth is, I haven't been able to sit down long enough it seems, to get everything out on paper like I wanted to. So now, if you have the time, here is the story of Jimmy...
Okay, so Sunday April 26 we had our C-section. I would have loved to have an epidural before they actually took me down to the OR...but because of how the epidural was when I had Elise, we had to use a Spinal instead.
What happened with Elise?? The epidural was spotty because of the scar tissue from my back surgery in 2000 so in the middle of the procedure I began to feel the pain of being cut open etc. That led to more and more medication to try to get me to not feel the operation, which led to me not remembering the first moments of my daughter's birth. I didn’t want that to happen again, so we went for the spinal, which doesn’t last as long as an epidural, but has a heavier hit.
After I received the spinal, they began the procedure and in a matter of seconds, there was Jimmy! 3lbs. 1 oz., and 17 inches long! His lungs were fine too!! The problems we foresaw were really taken care of by the blessings and prayers from everyone…and of course, the steroids.
He was taken, and Brian went with him immediately to the NICU for his recovery. I later learned he would stay there until certain criteria were met:
At least 4lbs.
Regulated consistent temperature
Able to breast or bottle feed exclusively
Brian came back and stayed with me in my recovery. The recovery started off WAY better than my previous pregnancy. There was no internal uterine bleeding, and instead of being in the recovery room for 8 hours, we were there for a couple of hours, almost 3. They only had to do compressions twice, instead of twenty times. The bad part of the recovery was when the spinal wore off and I was left to the IV medication.
I should say, for those of you who do not know…in the past ten years, I’ve been put under for various medical procedures over 10 times, and have built up a very maddening and exceptional tolerance to medication.
The pitocin or however you spell it, was administered and without the spinal’s effects, I was beginning to feel the contractions that happen to shrink everything back into place. I like to think I can handle pain pretty well. I do. Visceral pain though is a different animal than what I’ve dealt with the majority of my life…so I’m not sure whether I am really a big baby or what. Anyway, they gave me dilutdad (again, not sure of the spelling) the strongest medication they were permitted to give me. By the end of my couple of hours with the nurse, she said to Brian and I that she had never given so much of this medication to someone and was able to have a conversation…that one more injection should put me into a coma! We were talking and interacting without any problems except the pain I continued to have. After my few hours there, they brought me up to my permanent recovery room.
The next 3 days were really difficult for me pain-wise. More so, I think emotionally it was difficult because Jimmy wasn’t in a bassinet next to my bed. I was having all this pain and not sleeping, and not seeing the fruit of my labor. That was hard. That continues to be hard, because he’s still not home, and it’s May 14.
I finally got to see Jimmy and hold him for a minute and try to feed him. He didn’t know how to suck-swallow-breathe, and that meant he had to have a tube inserted through his nose to his stomach so milk could be given to him. I was really upset that his first meal was formula, not breast milk. He was in an incubator and stayed there until he could regulate his temperature. That took a few days. They took him out, and the next day had to put him back in because he couldn’t maintain his temperature. It was really frustrating to think you were moving forward and really weren’t.
I wasn’t allowed to breast feed him, only nuzzle. Nuzzling meant, as he received his milk through his tube, he could be at my breast, but not get his meal from me.
On Mother’s Day, they finally let me feed him without the tube. He’s been having regular sessions with me in the morning and with Brian in the evening. He was regulating his temp, he met his 4 lb. requirement and things were looking good until yesterday. They told me he caught a virus from the twins beside him. He’s currently in isolation, and will stay there until he gets well, which they said could be up to a week. I’m not sure anymore how long he’ll be there. No one thought he’d be there this long. His nurse Bernie, keeps telling me she jinxed him by telling me how long she thought he’d stay. She says she never tells anyone anything like that because she doesn’t want to say it and it not be accurate…
So, I’ll continue to go every morning at 4 a.m. to breast feed him. Brian will go at night at 8 p.m. to bottle feed him…and hopefully they’ll be able to use their discretion to move him completely to what they call nippling, or completely bottle/breast fed.
I’ll try to be better at posting for you all. Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers!!
--terrah
Thank you to everyone who has called or emailed or posted on facebook etc. your comments of love and support though the past three weeks. It is so heartening feel your compassion for me and for Jimmy. Love you guys!
I'm sorry it's been so long since a post. I know those of you who actually read this thing have been waiting for me to write something. The truth is, I haven't been able to sit down long enough it seems, to get everything out on paper like I wanted to. So now, if you have the time, here is the story of Jimmy...
Okay, so Sunday April 26 we had our C-section. I would have loved to have an epidural before they actually took me down to the OR...but because of how the epidural was when I had Elise, we had to use a Spinal instead.
What happened with Elise?? The epidural was spotty because of the scar tissue from my back surgery in 2000 so in the middle of the procedure I began to feel the pain of being cut open etc. That led to more and more medication to try to get me to not feel the operation, which led to me not remembering the first moments of my daughter's birth. I didn’t want that to happen again, so we went for the spinal, which doesn’t last as long as an epidural, but has a heavier hit.
After I received the spinal, they began the procedure and in a matter of seconds, there was Jimmy! 3lbs. 1 oz., and 17 inches long! His lungs were fine too!! The problems we foresaw were really taken care of by the blessings and prayers from everyone…and of course, the steroids.
He was taken, and Brian went with him immediately to the NICU for his recovery. I later learned he would stay there until certain criteria were met:
At least 4lbs.
Regulated consistent temperature
Able to breast or bottle feed exclusively
Brian came back and stayed with me in my recovery. The recovery started off WAY better than my previous pregnancy. There was no internal uterine bleeding, and instead of being in the recovery room for 8 hours, we were there for a couple of hours, almost 3. They only had to do compressions twice, instead of twenty times. The bad part of the recovery was when the spinal wore off and I was left to the IV medication.
I should say, for those of you who do not know…in the past ten years, I’ve been put under for various medical procedures over 10 times, and have built up a very maddening and exceptional tolerance to medication.
The pitocin or however you spell it, was administered and without the spinal’s effects, I was beginning to feel the contractions that happen to shrink everything back into place. I like to think I can handle pain pretty well. I do. Visceral pain though is a different animal than what I’ve dealt with the majority of my life…so I’m not sure whether I am really a big baby or what. Anyway, they gave me dilutdad (again, not sure of the spelling) the strongest medication they were permitted to give me. By the end of my couple of hours with the nurse, she said to Brian and I that she had never given so much of this medication to someone and was able to have a conversation…that one more injection should put me into a coma! We were talking and interacting without any problems except the pain I continued to have. After my few hours there, they brought me up to my permanent recovery room.
The next 3 days were really difficult for me pain-wise. More so, I think emotionally it was difficult because Jimmy wasn’t in a bassinet next to my bed. I was having all this pain and not sleeping, and not seeing the fruit of my labor. That was hard. That continues to be hard, because he’s still not home, and it’s May 14.
I finally got to see Jimmy and hold him for a minute and try to feed him. He didn’t know how to suck-swallow-breathe, and that meant he had to have a tube inserted through his nose to his stomach so milk could be given to him. I was really upset that his first meal was formula, not breast milk. He was in an incubator and stayed there until he could regulate his temperature. That took a few days. They took him out, and the next day had to put him back in because he couldn’t maintain his temperature. It was really frustrating to think you were moving forward and really weren’t.
I wasn’t allowed to breast feed him, only nuzzle. Nuzzling meant, as he received his milk through his tube, he could be at my breast, but not get his meal from me.
On Mother’s Day, they finally let me feed him without the tube. He’s been having regular sessions with me in the morning and with Brian in the evening. He was regulating his temp, he met his 4 lb. requirement and things were looking good until yesterday. They told me he caught a virus from the twins beside him. He’s currently in isolation, and will stay there until he gets well, which they said could be up to a week. I’m not sure anymore how long he’ll be there. No one thought he’d be there this long. His nurse Bernie, keeps telling me she jinxed him by telling me how long she thought he’d stay. She says she never tells anyone anything like that because she doesn’t want to say it and it not be accurate…
So, I’ll continue to go every morning at 4 a.m. to breast feed him. Brian will go at night at 8 p.m. to bottle feed him…and hopefully they’ll be able to use their discretion to move him completely to what they call nippling, or completely bottle/breast fed.
I’ll try to be better at posting for you all. Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers!!
--terrah
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Why Am I Awake??? Oh, Contractions!
The Big C
April 26, 2009
So, today's the day! I've been awake for a few hours because my contractions have been coming around every 10 minutes, making it nearly impossible to sleep. I watched my screen saver for a while, just crying because seeing all of the pictures of my family reminded me how much I've missed them, how long I've been here, and how much love I have for them.
I was really hoping to avoid labor all together, but it's just not happening. To all you women who do this the 'natural' way, I applaud you. It's no easy task. It's about 5:30 in the morning right now, and I figured I'd write one last entry before they put me under. Stake Conference was yesterday and today, so I'm missing Jeffery R. Holland's talk, which kinda bums me out...but this is an excellent reason, don't you think?
I feel very blessed to have such a wonderful family. I love Brian so much, and am so grateful to be able to share the responsibility of raising these children with him. What a wonderful example he is to them, and to me. I am so glad he will be here with me today for the birth of his new boy. I've been looking at pictures of the past 3 years and have realized how things have progressed and changed and grown. In the grand scheme of it all, this is an exciting ride I wouldn't want to share with anyone else.
They're moving the surgery up from 1pm to around 9:30-10:00. If all goes well I should be able to call you guys by the end of the day. There is a chance Jimmy will have met the requirement of 4 lbs., that his lungs are excellent and that he could even come to the post-pardum room with me. What a blessing that would be, that probably is taken for granted, nearly too much.
Everyone has been a wonderful help and support to me and I am filled with gratitude and love for you all.
hugs!
terrah
April 26, 2009
So, today's the day! I've been awake for a few hours because my contractions have been coming around every 10 minutes, making it nearly impossible to sleep. I watched my screen saver for a while, just crying because seeing all of the pictures of my family reminded me how much I've missed them, how long I've been here, and how much love I have for them.
I was really hoping to avoid labor all together, but it's just not happening. To all you women who do this the 'natural' way, I applaud you. It's no easy task. It's about 5:30 in the morning right now, and I figured I'd write one last entry before they put me under. Stake Conference was yesterday and today, so I'm missing Jeffery R. Holland's talk, which kinda bums me out...but this is an excellent reason, don't you think?
I feel very blessed to have such a wonderful family. I love Brian so much, and am so grateful to be able to share the responsibility of raising these children with him. What a wonderful example he is to them, and to me. I am so glad he will be here with me today for the birth of his new boy. I've been looking at pictures of the past 3 years and have realized how things have progressed and changed and grown. In the grand scheme of it all, this is an exciting ride I wouldn't want to share with anyone else.
They're moving the surgery up from 1pm to around 9:30-10:00. If all goes well I should be able to call you guys by the end of the day. There is a chance Jimmy will have met the requirement of 4 lbs., that his lungs are excellent and that he could even come to the post-pardum room with me. What a blessing that would be, that probably is taken for granted, nearly too much.
Everyone has been a wonderful help and support to me and I am filled with gratitude and love for you all.
hugs!
terrah
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Tomorrow's The Day
Here We Go!!
April 25, 2009
Today has been an interesting day. My body seems to be cleaning itself out in preparation for tomorrow. I've been sick most of the day, and really apprehensive about the surgery tomorrow.
It is scheduled for 1pm, however, the charge nurse has just informed me they aren't too busy tomorrow and so the surgery may be earlier.
I am grateful for the really great nurses here at Winnie, and even more grateful that Dr. Kim will be able to perform the C-section tomorrow.
I got some visitors today, and boy was that a nice change. The time here has passed faster than expected. I came on a Monday, and here it is, Saturday...the day before Jimmy comes. Hopefully I will be here only for the standard 3 days post-op, and with even more luck, Jimmy will come home with us!!
He's not been moving a TON today, but there has been an increase in contractions, so I know he's getting ready. After the day I had today, I wouldn't be surprised if I go into pre-labor tonight....watch, just because I said that, he'll make me into a liar :)
I've been passing the time making hair bows for Elise, lots of them. Between that and resting because of feeling so sick, the day has flown by.
I miss Brian and Elise. It's been hard to be away from them for so long. This is the longest I've ever been away from them both...and it's more difficult than I imagined. They are my world, and I realize being in the hospital how easy it is to take for granted the people you love with your whole heart. I've learned from this experience to make the most of the time you have with the ones you love. It is hard to be without them, and it is easy to forget how much you really depend on their love to make it through the day.
I am continually grateful for those friends and family who have helped us during this time...either watching Elise, visiting, calling or just praying for Jimmy and me. I love you all, and can't wait to bring Jimmy to you!
love
terrah
April 25, 2009
Today has been an interesting day. My body seems to be cleaning itself out in preparation for tomorrow. I've been sick most of the day, and really apprehensive about the surgery tomorrow.
It is scheduled for 1pm, however, the charge nurse has just informed me they aren't too busy tomorrow and so the surgery may be earlier.
I am grateful for the really great nurses here at Winnie, and even more grateful that Dr. Kim will be able to perform the C-section tomorrow.
I got some visitors today, and boy was that a nice change. The time here has passed faster than expected. I came on a Monday, and here it is, Saturday...the day before Jimmy comes. Hopefully I will be here only for the standard 3 days post-op, and with even more luck, Jimmy will come home with us!!
He's not been moving a TON today, but there has been an increase in contractions, so I know he's getting ready. After the day I had today, I wouldn't be surprised if I go into pre-labor tonight....watch, just because I said that, he'll make me into a liar :)
I've been passing the time making hair bows for Elise, lots of them. Between that and resting because of feeling so sick, the day has flown by.
I miss Brian and Elise. It's been hard to be away from them for so long. This is the longest I've ever been away from them both...and it's more difficult than I imagined. They are my world, and I realize being in the hospital how easy it is to take for granted the people you love with your whole heart. I've learned from this experience to make the most of the time you have with the ones you love. It is hard to be without them, and it is easy to forget how much you really depend on their love to make it through the day.
I am continually grateful for those friends and family who have helped us during this time...either watching Elise, visiting, calling or just praying for Jimmy and me. I love you all, and can't wait to bring Jimmy to you!
love
terrah
Just Over a Day!
April 25, 2009
I feel like I'm being s broken record here!!
I'm still in the hospital with the surgery scheduled for Sunday at 1pm. The nurses have been great and the care has been exceptional.
It has been wonderful to see family or hear from and friends too...it is s blessing beyond words. Thanks to everyone who have come by or called. or made sacrifices to let people come to help: To Kea, Nyla my playgroup girls Mom/Dad, Home teachers, Patti, Karla etc. and of course my husband, thank you, thank you!!! That doesn't even top the list, but I know you know who you are :)
My body seems to be trying to clear itself out for the big day. I've been a bit sick and exceptionally tired. I am nervous and tired...hoping for the best. I've met a lot of wonderful doctors and nurses who are taking wonderful care of me. I'm back on the monitor because the contractions have begun again, so it could be anytime, or it will be tomorrow. We will see!
I feel like I'm being s broken record here!!
I'm still in the hospital with the surgery scheduled for Sunday at 1pm. The nurses have been great and the care has been exceptional.
It has been wonderful to see family or hear from and friends too...it is s blessing beyond words. Thanks to everyone who have come by or called. or made sacrifices to let people come to help: To Kea, Nyla my playgroup girls Mom/Dad, Home teachers, Patti, Karla etc. and of course my husband, thank you, thank you!!! That doesn't even top the list, but I know you know who you are :)
My body seems to be trying to clear itself out for the big day. I've been a bit sick and exceptionally tired. I am nervous and tired...hoping for the best. I've met a lot of wonderful doctors and nurses who are taking wonderful care of me. I'm back on the monitor because the contractions have begun again, so it could be anytime, or it will be tomorrow. We will see!
Keeeping it positive and posted!!!
love
terrah
Friday, April 24, 2009
Things Are Picking Up
April 23, 2009
Of course, if there are any more developments, I will blog it out :)
love
terrah
It is hard to believe I've been in here since Monday. There has been so much to do, and so many people to talk to, I couldn't ask for a better stay...honestly.
For those of you who have taken time out of your hectic/busy day, I THANK you so much for showing your concern for Jimmy and me. It is so uplifting to hear the voices of friends and families...and the knowledge that they care so much is definitely a spirit booster.
Everything still looks fine with Jimmy. I'm not sure if it's the nurses or what, but they are able to find him and keep him monitored better now than on Monday, and that is a HUGE blessing. Like I said before, we just need him to be at least 4 lbs. and breathing on his own.
My cousin Becky called today to relay a similar story. She had her baby earlier than me and was able to take him home within 2 days! That made me smile, knowing there is a chance, even if it is small, that we'll be able to bring our little guy back with us when I'm recovered from the C-section.
I'm passing the time making hair bows for Elise, catching up on scripture study and other readings...as well as making sure this is as documented as possible. Jimmy will have one heck of a history surrounding his delivery!!!
Other than the obvious being stuck in bed/bed rest, or not having a baby to take home is how restless I have become. You see, with the Restless Leg Syndrome, and not being able to get up and walk around, it makes sleeping and relaxing sometimes, VERY difficult. However, the doctors here are very sympathetic and compassionate. The nurses are friendly and accommodating, and of course, Brian is here as much as he can be...which makes the time fly and helps to shoo away fears and doubts. I love him so much!
Of course, if there are any more developments, I will blog it out :)
love
terrah
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Doctor, Doctor!
Today has been a day of mostly great news!!!!
April 23, 2009
I just got a phone call today from my OB from Celebration, Dr. Brandy Kim. She has been pulling some strings and has a C-section scheduled for me on Sunday at 1pm. She'll be able to come do the procedure, which means I will definitely be home by Thursday, providing I have no compliations. This makes me so happy, that a complete stranger will not be delivering Jimmy, but the OB I have been seeing and who knows my case. What a tremendous blessing!!!!
The tests done today for Jimmy have come back with relatively positive results. He's in the 3 lbs. range, with a good chance to hit the 4 by Sunday. The only thing that worries me is that during his tests, the one thing he is failing to do/show is practicing breathing. Hopefully, the steroids will kick in and his visceral/vascular/respiratory system will all be on the up and up for Sunday's delivery.
This couldn't have come emotionally at a better time because as optimistic as I am trying to be for both of us, it is not easy when the 'I don't know's', and the 'what happens IF' start playing mind tricks on you.
Thank you again, everyone for all of your love, phone calls (Jo, for the clothes!!!) and well wishes. I will continue to keep this blog posted for anyone to see the latest and greatest!!
love
terrah
April 23, 2009
I just got a phone call today from my OB from Celebration, Dr. Brandy Kim. She has been pulling some strings and has a C-section scheduled for me on Sunday at 1pm. She'll be able to come do the procedure, which means I will definitely be home by Thursday, providing I have no compliations. This makes me so happy, that a complete stranger will not be delivering Jimmy, but the OB I have been seeing and who knows my case. What a tremendous blessing!!!!
The tests done today for Jimmy have come back with relatively positive results. He's in the 3 lbs. range, with a good chance to hit the 4 by Sunday. The only thing that worries me is that during his tests, the one thing he is failing to do/show is practicing breathing. Hopefully, the steroids will kick in and his visceral/vascular/respiratory system will all be on the up and up for Sunday's delivery.
This couldn't have come emotionally at a better time because as optimistic as I am trying to be for both of us, it is not easy when the 'I don't know's', and the 'what happens IF' start playing mind tricks on you.
Thank you again, everyone for all of your love, phone calls (Jo, for the clothes!!!) and well wishes. I will continue to keep this blog posted for anyone to see the latest and greatest!!
love
terrah
No One Said It'd Be Easy!
April 23, 2009
I had 2 emergency ultrasounds from the time of my last post to now. There is a score of 8 points Jimmy was supposed to get to have a clear bill of health (for the most part) If it was 4 or less, they'd take him today. It is a 30 minute test, and in the last 5 minutes, both times, he pulled through and made it to a six, both times! The part he failed was that he was not practicing breathing. He was able to move, had enough amnio fluid and showed motor skills, like opening and shutting his hands. That was a blessing. Having it take him 29 minutes of the 30 to get him to get to a six, was really apprehensive for me...because if he hadn't moved, they'd have taken him out today.
The estimated weight is maybe just over 3 lbs. That's great news because if I can keep him in here and keep shoving my face full of food, he's got a chance to get to be over 4 lbs! I just have to sit tight and try to get this kiddo to grow!! His head is the right size, but the rest of his body is very petite. I'll have to get some pictures up here somehow...
As much as I'm praying and reading, and trying to relax, it would be a lie to say I am perfectly fine. I am just as scared as the next mom, and wanting desperately to have a healthy baby boy, and trying with my whole heart to not go into a full out anxiety attack over the 'what-ifs'.
Thanks again to everyone who has been so willing to help and contribute to Elise and the family. I truly appreciate your generosity's and kindness.
We love you!
terrah
I had 2 emergency ultrasounds from the time of my last post to now. There is a score of 8 points Jimmy was supposed to get to have a clear bill of health (for the most part) If it was 4 or less, they'd take him today. It is a 30 minute test, and in the last 5 minutes, both times, he pulled through and made it to a six, both times! The part he failed was that he was not practicing breathing. He was able to move, had enough amnio fluid and showed motor skills, like opening and shutting his hands. That was a blessing. Having it take him 29 minutes of the 30 to get him to get to a six, was really apprehensive for me...because if he hadn't moved, they'd have taken him out today.
The estimated weight is maybe just over 3 lbs. That's great news because if I can keep him in here and keep shoving my face full of food, he's got a chance to get to be over 4 lbs! I just have to sit tight and try to get this kiddo to grow!! His head is the right size, but the rest of his body is very petite. I'll have to get some pictures up here somehow...
As much as I'm praying and reading, and trying to relax, it would be a lie to say I am perfectly fine. I am just as scared as the next mom, and wanting desperately to have a healthy baby boy, and trying with my whole heart to not go into a full out anxiety attack over the 'what-ifs'.
Thanks again to everyone who has been so willing to help and contribute to Elise and the family. I truly appreciate your generosity's and kindness.
We love you!
terrah
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Latest
NICU
April 22 (afternoon/evening)
So, here's the latest news of the day...
April 22 (afternoon/evening)
So, here's the latest news of the day...
NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) came by today to drop a bomb I hadn't even thought about.
Jimmy is measuring as small as 30 weeks. He must be at least 4 lbs. to jump the first hoop of avoiding the NICU. If he is less than 4 lbs., he must stay in NICU until he reaches that weight. The other factors that will place him in NICU are: breathing difficulties or other visceral abnormalities.
They told me that I shouldn't expect to bring him home with me in a week, but that coming home somewhere in the arena of 2 weeks before his original due date or 2 weeks after is more common. There is a chance he could come out at 4 lbs, and have great lungs...no other major health problems etc. and we could take him home. Worst case is he's not 4 lbs., has visceral issues and I'll have to pump milk and come several times a day for feeding and bonding until he reaches the doctor's opinion of dischargement. (is that even a word??) They said if he meets the criteria for NICU, I will not be able to hold him after the delivery, he will go straight to NICU, I will not be able to nurse him, but will have to try to pump and store milk for the subsequent days of his recovery. The first day, he'd likely be on some juiced up milk concoction that will help him gain plenty of weight.
It is definitely a challenge, hearing all of these thing and thinking of the worst and best cases. I'm trying my best to think positively. I constantly feel like I'm giving Jimmy pep talks to take every calorie in my body to help him gain weight, and use those steroids to get his lungs up to par.
This morning I was studying the scriptures and came across a quote that made thinking negatively, not so negative. I was crying by the end of the quote and still hoping this to not be the case, but nonetheless, this is what I read...I read a quote today by Joseph Smith who was contemplating why infants are taken so early sometimes, and it said:
- "The Lord takes many away even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again."
What a comforting insight to the Lord's will and wisdom.
Otherwise, the test and lab results that were taken yesterday have come back negatively, which is great news, but also expected news. I don't have any tumors, cancers, aneurysms, diseases, or otherwise harmful issues to Jimmy. The results that came back positively will be able to be addressed post-pardum and affect only me, not the baby. Yay!!
Yesterday was a huge day of getting things in order for a more comfortable stay in the hospital, for instance, finding the right medications for the problems I do have...like the headaches, restless leg syndrome, fibromyalgia and the other chronic pain issues. Today has been a much more restful day, and after Brian brings me the things from home to keep me super busy, this should be a restful and productive stay in the hospital. We are fortunate to have such good care here at Winnie Palmer, and to have reduced the majority of contractions. With the Lord's help and if it is his will, Jimmy will be here no sooner than Monday!!
Thank you all again for your support, phone calls, and prayers...I so appreciate them all!
I'll let you know if anything else changes tomorrow :)
love,
terrah
April 2009
Okay Okay Okay
So it's not a week later, it's a month...and what a month it has been! Here is what has happened in March:
The house here in Orlando is coming along. For the most part the interior is probably 75% finished. There is still so much to do. The thing I realize in a smaller house is how impossible it is to hide any kind of mess. It is so obvious because there is so much less room to occupy your field of vision. Because of that, I feel constantly that I have to clean or pick up after everyone. As we settle, I'm sure things will work themselves out into a routine and I won't be so crazy over every little thing! Jimmy's room is almost done and with the boys coming for 6 weeks in the summer, it will be interesting to see what happens in such smaller living quarters.
Like I mentioned earlier, Elise got really sick, bronchitis and conjunctivitis, with a 105.9 fever that was really difficult to break. After finally getting her to take her medicine, by bribing her to go outside and play on the new swing Brian bought her, she got better…and then I got sick. I’ve been chasing this cough away now for 2 weeks and it is letting up now. I feel like I can take moderately deep breaths, which I generally take and take for granted. I generally take all of my health for granted because I feel like I’m always at some doctor’s office for something. How important it is to remember how blessed we are every day, for every thing we take for granted!!!
We had an ultrasound for Jimmy and he is in the 20th percentile which means I don’t have to go on steroids or bed rest! He’s supposed to be 4 lbs, but is measuring 2 lbs. they’ll do another ultrasound in 2 weeks to make sure he’s growing okay. However, the way I’m feeling, I’m not sure he’ll still be in here in 2 weeks. Every day I have stronger contractions and I know I’m getting bigger because I have finally had to break out the serious maternity clothes. There are some great things to look forward to for the birth of this baby and I have to try to focus on those because there are a few things that terrify me…Jimmy’s health and condition, whether he’ll be able to come home with me, the c-section, recovery, labor etc.
Bottom line is, I can't help wondering if I go into labor early, who will be here for Elise, or if Brian will be out of town when I go into labor and it’s just Elise and I…and I can’t drive if I’m in horrible labor! I’m such a worrier. I’m sure things will work out just they way they ought to. Brian and I both felt like I needed to pack my maternity bags yesterday and so I did that this morning (April 16th) It made the realization that I’m having a new baby in the house so much more tangible. He’s a mover. He sits low, he dropped about a month ago and is just hangin’ out waiting for the day. We have a c-section scheduled for June 1, but who knows if I will really make it that far. If I do, it is a miracle of God.
It seems everyone will be out of town or unavailable for some reason or another in the months of late April and May. I know Mom will be out of town, Kea will be, Nyla and Ken will be also at some point for their vacationing. On top of that, other things have been happening that are difficult to manage. Steve and Meriah had an emergency surgery (okay, so that was unavoidable and a horrible tragedy at that) Seth got a new job that is keeping him very busy, and Dad had a knee surgery scheduled. Sometimes it just hits everyone all at once, and really slams us all, doesn't it?
I am actually posting this blog from Winnie Palmer Hospital in Orlando 6 days after I wrote this. I just haven't had the time to post the blog until now!! I'll keep going, this is a LONG post!
Here is what the latest run down is:
I’m sitting here in the hospital…and not the hospital I imagined I’d be in for this pregnancy. Yesterday at 3 pm, my water broke. I had just finished running errands before I went to my OB appointment. The nurse casually said, oh, 2 more weeks and you can deliver at this hospital. I didn’t realize the weight of that statement until later. When I saw the doctor, I told him I was having more contractions and it felt like pre-labor. He said to not worry about it, and then when I got home, it took a matter of minutes before a huge gush of water came…and kept coming. I called the doctor and they told me to come to the hospital.
We got to the hospital and they told me oh, we don’t have a NICU, so you have to be transported to a different hospital, Winnie Palmer or Florida Hospital because they have a NICU and you are only 33 weeks pregnant. I was looking so forward to delivering at Celebration. I was really looking forward to working with Dr. Kim, not some stranger in some other hospital. I felt so frustrated.
After different measures were taken to prevent the labor from progressing this is what was determined:
Jimmy is measuring very small, about 3 weeks earlier than he should, meaning he looks like he's 30 weeks, not 33. Every measure is being taken to try to get him to develop as much as possible.
I am to be on fluids, anti-biotics, steroids and bed rest until one of these three happens: infection—leading to immediate c-section, full blown labor—if they can’t stop it, they’ll go to the c-section, or Monday, on which day I will be 34 weeks, and that marks the time they are comfortable having Jimmy taken out, and able to breathe on his own. They have scheduled the c-section for Monday, so at the latest, I should be out of here by Thursday, if not sooner. For Jimmy’s sake, I hope it’s Thursday and I really hope he’ll be healthy enough to come home with me. Neonatal has told me though, I should not get my hopes up for that...and that I should shoot more for the due date for his homecoming. I think I'll be doing a lot of commuting if that is the case.
Kea has been great. She took Elise last night and let her sleep over so Brian could stay with me...then to Blizzard Beach with cousin Eden for a fun day!
Gratefully, Nyla will come until Friday to spend the nights with Brian and Elise so he can work and do his thing at home. There is no reason for him AND I to be stuck here. Everyone who has been able to help out, has really boosted my spirits so much and I am so grateful for the phone calls and all of the help you have been to Brian, Elise and I. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Because of how much time I have, if I find out anything else, I of course will let everyone know, posting emails or blogs...but I'd come to the blog first! If you've forgotten what it is, here you go:
So it's not a week later, it's a month...and what a month it has been! Here is what has happened in March:
The house here in Orlando is coming along. For the most part the interior is probably 75% finished. There is still so much to do. The thing I realize in a smaller house is how impossible it is to hide any kind of mess. It is so obvious because there is so much less room to occupy your field of vision. Because of that, I feel constantly that I have to clean or pick up after everyone. As we settle, I'm sure things will work themselves out into a routine and I won't be so crazy over every little thing! Jimmy's room is almost done and with the boys coming for 6 weeks in the summer, it will be interesting to see what happens in such smaller living quarters.
Like I mentioned earlier, Elise got really sick, bronchitis and conjunctivitis, with a 105.9 fever that was really difficult to break. After finally getting her to take her medicine, by bribing her to go outside and play on the new swing Brian bought her, she got better…and then I got sick. I’ve been chasing this cough away now for 2 weeks and it is letting up now. I feel like I can take moderately deep breaths, which I generally take and take for granted. I generally take all of my health for granted because I feel like I’m always at some doctor’s office for something. How important it is to remember how blessed we are every day, for every thing we take for granted!!!
We had an ultrasound for Jimmy and he is in the 20th percentile which means I don’t have to go on steroids or bed rest! He’s supposed to be 4 lbs, but is measuring 2 lbs. they’ll do another ultrasound in 2 weeks to make sure he’s growing okay. However, the way I’m feeling, I’m not sure he’ll still be in here in 2 weeks. Every day I have stronger contractions and I know I’m getting bigger because I have finally had to break out the serious maternity clothes. There are some great things to look forward to for the birth of this baby and I have to try to focus on those because there are a few things that terrify me…Jimmy’s health and condition, whether he’ll be able to come home with me, the c-section, recovery, labor etc.
Bottom line is, I can't help wondering if I go into labor early, who will be here for Elise, or if Brian will be out of town when I go into labor and it’s just Elise and I…and I can’t drive if I’m in horrible labor! I’m such a worrier. I’m sure things will work out just they way they ought to. Brian and I both felt like I needed to pack my maternity bags yesterday and so I did that this morning (April 16th) It made the realization that I’m having a new baby in the house so much more tangible. He’s a mover. He sits low, he dropped about a month ago and is just hangin’ out waiting for the day. We have a c-section scheduled for June 1, but who knows if I will really make it that far. If I do, it is a miracle of God.
It seems everyone will be out of town or unavailable for some reason or another in the months of late April and May. I know Mom will be out of town, Kea will be, Nyla and Ken will be also at some point for their vacationing. On top of that, other things have been happening that are difficult to manage. Steve and Meriah had an emergency surgery (okay, so that was unavoidable and a horrible tragedy at that) Seth got a new job that is keeping him very busy, and Dad had a knee surgery scheduled. Sometimes it just hits everyone all at once, and really slams us all, doesn't it?
I am actually posting this blog from Winnie Palmer Hospital in Orlando 6 days after I wrote this. I just haven't had the time to post the blog until now!! I'll keep going, this is a LONG post!
Here is what the latest run down is:
I’m sitting here in the hospital…and not the hospital I imagined I’d be in for this pregnancy. Yesterday at 3 pm, my water broke. I had just finished running errands before I went to my OB appointment. The nurse casually said, oh, 2 more weeks and you can deliver at this hospital. I didn’t realize the weight of that statement until later. When I saw the doctor, I told him I was having more contractions and it felt like pre-labor. He said to not worry about it, and then when I got home, it took a matter of minutes before a huge gush of water came…and kept coming. I called the doctor and they told me to come to the hospital.
We got to the hospital and they told me oh, we don’t have a NICU, so you have to be transported to a different hospital, Winnie Palmer or Florida Hospital because they have a NICU and you are only 33 weeks pregnant. I was looking so forward to delivering at Celebration. I was really looking forward to working with Dr. Kim, not some stranger in some other hospital. I felt so frustrated.
After different measures were taken to prevent the labor from progressing this is what was determined:
Jimmy is measuring very small, about 3 weeks earlier than he should, meaning he looks like he's 30 weeks, not 33. Every measure is being taken to try to get him to develop as much as possible.
I am to be on fluids, anti-biotics, steroids and bed rest until one of these three happens: infection—leading to immediate c-section, full blown labor—if they can’t stop it, they’ll go to the c-section, or Monday, on which day I will be 34 weeks, and that marks the time they are comfortable having Jimmy taken out, and able to breathe on his own. They have scheduled the c-section for Monday, so at the latest, I should be out of here by Thursday, if not sooner. For Jimmy’s sake, I hope it’s Thursday and I really hope he’ll be healthy enough to come home with me. Neonatal has told me though, I should not get my hopes up for that...and that I should shoot more for the due date for his homecoming. I think I'll be doing a lot of commuting if that is the case.
Kea has been great. She took Elise last night and let her sleep over so Brian could stay with me...then to Blizzard Beach with cousin Eden for a fun day!
Gratefully, Nyla will come until Friday to spend the nights with Brian and Elise so he can work and do his thing at home. There is no reason for him AND I to be stuck here. Everyone who has been able to help out, has really boosted my spirits so much and I am so grateful for the phone calls and all of the help you have been to Brian, Elise and I. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Because of how much time I have, if I find out anything else, I of course will let everyone know, posting emails or blogs...but I'd come to the blog first! If you've forgotten what it is, here you go:
The direct line to my hospital room in ante-pardum is 321-843-0502 . I'm in room 5112, in tower 5, until the delivery, which for Jimmy's sake I pray will be on Monday and not any sooner.
Thanks again to everyone!!
Love,
terrah
Saturday, March 28, 2009
March 2009
Oh my goodness what a month!
I figured I'd write a little something before the end of the month so I don't have almost 2 months to catch up on...
We're still trying to get everything out of Clermont and back into Dr. Phillips. We're almost done, but it's taken a lot of work and time. I feel like we're burning on both ends every day. It's taken its toll too, because Elise has come down with bronchitis, and conjunctivitis and now, I'm being treated for bronchitis! Hopefully Brian won't catch this one, it's a doozy.
On top of all this, we found out this week that the baby has already dropped into position and is ready to go! It's still WAY too early. He's measuring small too, so we go in for an ultrasound on Tuesday to make sure everything is okay and developing properly.
I should be posting the rest of the month's stuff and updates within the next week.Until then!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
February
I Have a REALLY Good Excuse!
I still need every one's forgiveness for not being able to place pictures well in a blog. I still haven't figured it out!!
February has come and gone and I haven't updated the blog! My excuse is: We lost the camera battery charger. Our camera can only download pictures if it is on, and the battery has been dead, so at the end of February, I didn't do an update because I wanted to post some current pictures.
Neither Brian nor I could find the battery 
charger and figured it would show up someplace, sometime. Well, it didn't show up until yesterday when I was looking for something in the Pilot and found it in the console. We both had looked there, and apparently overlooked the charger!
We had our 3rd anniversary this Valentines Day, and Brian surprised me with a day vacation to Downtown Disney for a picnic at the Poly, and a movie. It was great to have a day to spend together without any other worries in the world.
As most of you all know, Brian and I have moved back to Dr. Phillips. We haven't completely finished, and it will take some time to get all of the moving finished though. We are grateful to everyone who helped in the move, and you know who you are :) Brian wants to get some of the plants from Clermont and bring them to Dr. Phillips, and chop down the massive jungle that engulfs half of the back yard. Gardening is a labor of love for him.
Brian has also been spending what little spare time he has with a new passion, or maybe renewed passion for guns. He and the boys have 
gone out with other members of the ward to shoot. They all seem to enjoy blowing up targets together. Elise and I are just fine with staying home and doing the girly thing, which for Elise is trying on every shoe in the house. in February, there wasn't anything more she wanted to do than try on my old pointe shoes.
Work is starting to pick up a bit, and for that we are so blessed and grateful to the Lord.
The pregnancy drama never ceases to amaze me. Without going into a ridiculous amount of detail, I will say that due to the high risk this pregnancy is, my current OB has refused to provide any additional care. (If you really want details you'll just have to call me) Being in my 3rd trimester, you can imagine the stress that put on me. Not many doctors want to take on a patient so late into their pregnancy. In fact a few doctors I took my records to reviewed them and pretty much said, heck no we won't take you! Luckily, I found a doctor in Celebration who has accepted me as a patient, and has made more progress toward relief than any other doctor I have seen so far. a sort of left handed blessing I suppose...as some blessing can be.
Elise is continuing to sign, and has over 90 in her vocabulary! She is such a bright little girl. She's getting better with her words too. In fact, yesterday, she said sizard (for lizard...there are a lot of lizards at the house in Orlando) and ji ji for Jimmy this morning. She and Brian like to give my belly hugs and kisses. She is also saying uh oh and oots whenever she makes a mistake or drops something. Her persistancy in saying please makes your heart melt and even more difficult to refuse her requests. Her manners are generally very good, except when she yells NO! or More!! We took her to Disney for my birthday, and she loved it! Those pictures are on my camera phone and I'll have to figure out how to get them off before you can see them. She loved the carousel of course, and would say horsey please and more throughout the day. She had so much fun, and was so excited that in a tunnel on the playground in Toon Town, she hugged and kissed a boy!! Brian quickly told her 'no kissing boys, only kiss mommy and daddy, okay?' With a nod of her head she was off again to the tunnel, and guess what? Kissed another boy! She's a handful.
Brian and the boys like to hide from each other, and Brian has recently taught Elise to hide. This is a BAD thing. I brought her out to the car yesterday and let go of her hand for a few seconds, and I mean seconds...to put her diaperbag in the car. I turned around to get her and she was gone! I started yelling her name, and looking all around the car, on the side yards etc. all the while screaming her name and hearing no
thing but silence afterward. It must have been a full minute of panic (it seemed like 45) before I heard her mischevous little laugh and found her, hiding up where the gas pedal/brakes are. I seriously thought I was going to have a coronary. When we got to our destination (playgroup) I was telling my friend about what had happened and again, for a few seconds we didn't have our eyes on the kids and Elise had dissappeared again! She was upstairs in her friend's bedroom. She's quick and sneaky, two traits I am not too thrilled about dealing with for the remainder of her life.
So that's my post. It's been a busy, busy few weeks. It will only get busier as my due date approaches too...oh the life of a Momma!
Thanks again to everyone who has helped us out moving, we appreciate it so much!!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
January 2009
I didn't forget!!
Hey everyone...I didn't forget to write January's blog post, I just have been so super busy, like all of you I'm sure.
January was really quite a month. We found out we're having a baby boy, that we'll name after Brian, James "Jimmy" Brian Denham. The pregnancy is moving a long. Jimmy is a big kicker! I'm still having a lot of headaches though. We did some testing and gratefully, they aren't being caused by anything serious, like a tumor or aneurysm. My doctor's sent me to the ER this month because I was showing every sign of pre-eclampsia (I developed that while I was in labor with elise) and they needed to test for the one final thing that would say I had it or didn't, and I don't :) That's great news. The bad news is, I have to keep getting shots in my head for these headaches, and they don't always work. Just a few more months though!!
We had an emergency custody hearing for the boys this month. It did not go as we expected. The boy's mom didn't even show up for the hearing, so they started without her. The judge was going to give us the emergency custody, and we almost got the order signed...It almost worked out the way we wanted, but everything just kind of turned upside-down at the last minute and the judge changed his mind. We don't foresee a likely chance under the circumstances that we will gain custody of the boys. If we couldn't get it for the emergency hearing, we don't have much faith that going forward would be beneficial to anyone except the attorney's who will gladly take anyones money!!
Elise is doing great. I think I've counted at least 65 signs that she can do, well. She's learning to sign and say her colors, and is starting to say more words. I think her favorite right now has got to be "no" or "more" sounds like mowwah, really cute. She's getting ready to start her swim classes again, and this summer she'll start her mommy and me classes at the Clermont Academy of Dance. I'm excited for that because I can loose some of the pregnancy weight I'm gaining.
All in all, this month has been really busy between doctor's visits, custody hearings and the daily grind. I hope you all are well and that you had a great January!
I'll post again at the end of the month for February's update...
--terrah
Hey everyone...I didn't forget to write January's blog post, I just have been so super busy, like all of you I'm sure.
January was really quite a month. We found out we're having a baby boy, that we'll name after Brian, James "Jimmy" Brian Denham. The pregnancy is moving a long. Jimmy is a big kicker! I'm still having a lot of headaches though. We did some testing and gratefully, they aren't being caused by anything serious, like a tumor or aneurysm. My doctor's sent me to the ER this month because I was showing every sign of pre-eclampsia (I developed that while I was in labor with elise) and they needed to test for the one final thing that would say I had it or didn't, and I don't :) That's great news. The bad news is, I have to keep getting shots in my head for these headaches, and they don't always work. Just a few more months though!!
We had an emergency custody hearing for the boys this month. It did not go as we expected. The boy's mom didn't even show up for the hearing, so they started without her. The judge was going to give us the emergency custody, and we almost got the order signed...It almost worked out the way we wanted, but everything just kind of turned upside-down at the last minute and the judge changed his mind. We don't foresee a likely chance under the circumstances that we will gain custody of the boys. If we couldn't get it for the emergency hearing, we don't have much faith that going forward would be beneficial to anyone except the attorney's who will gladly take anyones money!!
Elise is doing great. I think I've counted at least 65 signs that she can do, well. She's learning to sign and say her colors, and is starting to say more words. I think her favorite right now has got to be "no" or "more" sounds like mowwah, really cute. She's getting ready to start her swim classes again, and this summer she'll start her mommy and me classes at the Clermont Academy of Dance. I'm excited for that because I can loose some of the pregnancy weight I'm gaining.
All in all, this month has been really busy between doctor's visits, custody hearings and the daily grind. I hope you all are well and that you had a great January!
I'll post again at the end of the month for February's update...
--terrah
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